


A Bad Idea

by shaenie



Category: LOTR RPS
Genre: M/M, surfboard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-05-04
Updated: 2003-05-04
Packaged: 2017-10-12 05:06:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/121114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaenie/pseuds/shaenie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>there are just no words</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bad Idea

**Author's Note:**

> See end of story.

The fact that Billy's board is still leashed to his ankle is making it more difficult than usual to get his wetsuit off. Dom's hands are pushjerkpulling at it, trying to skin it down Billy's arms and chest without the benefit of undoing the zip. Unfortunately, Dom's waging a one handed battle with Billy's surfboard at the same time, which keeps floating up with every incoming wavelet, apparently intent upon knocking one or both of them senseless.

In spite of the achingly hard erection trapped in his wetsuit (and Dom's matching erection, pressing down against his with sweetly heated friction), Billy is fighting down the urge to laugh (a bad idea).

They are still below the tide line, the ocean is so cold Billy suspects ice may be forming between his toes, they are being attacked by Billy's board (Dom seems to think it has malicious intent, in fact, and snarls "Get the fuck _off_ ," at it, shoving it away yet again), and the zipper (which Dom seems to finally have located with his one-handed groping beneath Billy) of his wetsuit seems dead set on not budging one centimeter in the foreseeable future. In spite of the erections, the whole thing just tickles Billy's funny bone. In spite of very real desire, the whole idea that they are seriously attempting sex under these conditions -- evil surfboard, stuck zipper, water the same temperature that Elijah likes his beer to be -- is just... funny.

Billy is resisting outright laughter by pure force of will. He doesn't want Dom to stop what he's doing (the grinding down against Billy bit, anyhow; he figures he could really do without the part where Dom is using one hand to fight a losing battle with the zipper of Billy's wetsuit and the other to continue with what can only be called a 'holding action' against Billy's malicious board), so laughing outright would be bad. He knows this. But when Dom barks: "You cock-sucking, mother fucking _bastard_!" (either to the zipper or the board, Billy can't tell) the absurdity of cursing the sexual preferences, morality and possible illegitimacy of inanimate objects is just too much for Billy.

He snickers.

Dom looks down at him, eyes narrowed. "Something funny, Bill?" he queries.

Uh oh. "Err," Billy says, and Dom's eyes narrow even further, into glittering, steely slits.

"What," Dom says, voice silky and calm (such a very bad sign), "is funny, Billy?"

"Uh," Billy says, and -- since there is no right answer to the question -- props himself up on his elbows to kiss Dom. He tastes like waxy lipbalm and sea water, and forgetting about amusement is fairly easy (thank God) with Dom's tongue in his mouth and Dom's hips rocking skillfully against his. Billy forgets about anything at all even remotely amusing until seawater whooshes up around them again (his balls are starting to feel like ice cubes now, and he has no idea how this is not effecting his erection) and Dom squeaks into Billy's mouth. It is _not_ funny. The water is _cold._ Billy is freezing his arse off, in fact. But that squeak is so damned _girly_ , and it just seems so wrong, considering the weight of Dom's body on top of his and the feel of Dom's cock -- not girly in the slightest -- sliding against _his_ cock.

He suppresses the laughter ruthlessly, but he can still feel it, bubbling somewhere in his throat, and Billy knows if he lets it get away from him, he can forget about getting laid any time in the near future. Dom has pulled back and wedged both hands under Billy's back, apparently having decided to concentrate the persuasive opening power of all ten of his fingers on the zip. Billy is intimately familiar with the persuasive opening power of Dom's fingers (though not all ten at once, three is really quite enough, thanks), and has every confidence that Dom will succeed. That's good, because accidentally laughing (still a very bad idea) will be much less likely with one or both of them naked, even if the ocean is sucking all the heat out of Billy's balls.

Satan's surfboard chooses that moment to sidle up beside them. It's in stealth mode, or something. Dom doesn't seem to notice it, and Billy knows if opens his mouth to warn him, he is _going_ to start laughing, and since that is not an option, he doesn't say anything.

And Satan's surfboard sneak attacks.

It bumps gently against Dom's elbow (hi there, nothing to be afraid of, just a friendly surfboard here). Dom jerks one hand out from under Billy and bats at it, but either aims poorly or the surfboard dodges just enough that Dom's hand sort of glances off the edge, and the thing flips up and whacks Dom ( _thonk_!) right in the head.

"Why you... you...!" Dom gasps, eyes wide and amazed ( _oh shite_ , Billy thinks, trying to keep a straight face) as Dom clutches at his forehead, blinking rapidly. He looks at Billy, still stunned and clearly offended (offended at the apparently sentient malevolence of a _surfboard_ for God's sake) and it's a lost cause. There is no help for it.

Billy laughs.

  
***

Notes: I swear to God, this started out as smut. I cannot rationally explain this. In my defense, it's Cinco de Mayo Festival Weekend, and I wrote this at work during various lulls in what was otherwise an _excrutiatingly_ busy shift. I maintain I was punch-drunk. That's the only rational explanation. Truly, I'm not sure if it's amusing or just plain silly. I tried to recruit a neutral judge ([](http://www.livejournal.com/users/renjenri/profile)[ **renjenri**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/renjenri/)) and she said: " i officially declare dom/billy/SSB my new OT3", but she was stoned on Nyquil, so she can't be trusted.


End file.
